HINT of MINT

forced to stop

2006-02-12T10:16:00.000-08:00

Aren't snow days great? At what other time are we forced to stop everything and rest? Hardly ever. Today is one of those days. All of those things I've been "meaning to do" for weeks are now so quickly resolved, leaving me with a feeling of satisfaction and peace. Ahhh....and for now (at least) I don't have to worry about the clean-up. So I suppose I'll just have to enjoy it for the moment. Now, why can't I make the choice to do this everyday? I think I could. Everything...nearly everything...is a matter of perspective. When my perspective is off, so is everything else. It's just too easy in this world to see the glass as half empty. The freeing truth is that it doesn't have to be half empty. It might just be half full. Living with HOPE when there seems to be little...now this is the nitty gritty of living. In fact, this just might be the definition of hope. FAITH. Believing in the good when all around looks otherwise. Hmmm. It's funny what a snow day makes you think about.

hebrews 11:1
"now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. this is what the ancients were commended for."

So, this is Boston...the bitter truth

2006-01-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

This move was to a new city. A new place. A new season. A way to escape some bad parts of the previous season. I guess that's never really smart, is it? There's really no running away. If you don't deal with the here and now, it just follows you. I guess this move has been a blessing. You see, the glory stories of life in missions are few and far between. In reality, it's hard. People don't love you well. They treat you like crap. In all honesty, this is how I left my 'call' to overseas missions. Hurt, lonely, wounded, and kind of...angry. I even feel guilty writing this here. Like anyone is reading it, but why do we feel so compelled to make us look so good? I guess that is what it's really about. Our pride. So here goes. Complete honesty...including a small bit of whining.

I was hurt by others. I am sure I probably hurt others...all in the name of Christ. I am lost soul. I left Africa rejected and without purpose. I left Africa knowing that I was too tired to keep going, and I didn't have anyone to push me along. I was hurt. I was fearful. I was bitter. I was trying to run away from it all. Maybe 'was' is the wrong word, eh? God recently brought me face to face with all of this. I had run long enough. Living in hurt and fear really sucks. I'm sick of it. So I'm choosing to step out of it.

The move to a new city helps. It also hurts. All of the great friends have been left behind. It's a new start on a new page. It's even more alone than before. But it is a place where there is no one but yourself to come face to face with. And your God to walk you through it. No distractions. No deterrents to keep you off the path.

And then there's my best friend. My love. Andrew. You see, I know that he loves me. He shows me everyday. He speaks truth over me. He ushers me to the feet of my God. He is bold in his love for me. Just what I need. He challenges me. He forgives me. He is my "Jesus with skin on" for lack of a better term. He perhaps has been my angel. I just hope he's real. We're spending the rest of our lives together. Is it possible to love him even more? I sure hope so...the power we have to love one another is unreal. How could we be entrusted with such ability...and vice versa the inability? May I learn to love rather than hate and hurt. May I learn to comfort and console rather than condemn. May I learn to glorify rather than bring shame. Uff da...I have so much more learning to do. Better look alive!

precious secrets

2005-11-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

Some days I find myself looking back. It always looks so much better than it did at the time. Looking back is rare for me, but today as I was preparing some gifts for friends back on the ship where I lived for the past year, I thought back quite fondly. It was definitely a "shiny" moment. I thought of what a Saturday in Liberia was like. It was a steamy day at the beach where I could escape all fears, troubles, and injustices from the week. I could just soak them away in the hot sun and salty waves. Coming back to the ship in the evening. Meeting for worship or hanging with friends. Feeling my face radiate from the fresh burn of that day's sun. Feeling tired but even more renewed.

Some days I miss that. And when I do, I feel like I have a really great secret. It somehow gives me a feeling of pride. It's something that I have in my memory, just for me to know. I don't have to share it with anyone. It's something that is all mine. And no one is there to burst my bubble and remind me of the hard times that came with it. Today was one of my secret days. Nobody knew. And nobody probably cared. But it was my own precious secret, just for me to indulge. I suppose our "secrets" are simply blessings. Things that we can just be thankful to God for. I really have so many. But most days I'm so caught up in the trouble and injustice that the shine of the secrets becomes shrouded in my pessimistic outlook, snuffing out all hope. I wonder if I spent more time pondering the secrets...

lingering aftertaste

2005-11-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

You know when you taste a cookie and there's a fantastic lingering aftertaste? But your brain doesn't quite register with your tastebuds right away. You find yourself thinking about how great your mouth feels...and then it hits you. Mint! Of course. Why didn't you realize it before? Suddenly you want to try mint in everything. Mint coffee. Mint candy. Mint cake. Mint ice cream. You can't get enough. But you also can't decide where or how it's best.

Life is a little like that lately. I'm noticing the hint of mint in my everyday. In the ordinary, once in a while there is a spark of interest that lingers beyond the mundane. I guess no one probably cares. But somewhere deep inside I just want to try every bit of that mint that exists...like that interest I've always had in the trees. I guess I've just never taken the time to stop and look at them. Why not now? Who knew the beauty of the Japanese Maple? But there are so many! Where do I start? And then another taste hits me, distracting me all over again, leaving me right back where I started. Nothing lost, really. Besides I sure do like the taste-testing.